Jenifer’s Fear

Photo by Rosie Hardy

Jenifer' small body woke, feeling as if she were still in a dream.  She felt fingers move across her slit between her legs.  Her body froze in shock, in a state of shell-shock.  She feared to open her eyes, but so she did after the touch of fingers left her pink, sweet labia.  She got up off of her grandma’s sofa pull out bed, dazed and panicked.  She didn’t look back… she moved herself away from that spoiled bed in a fright.  She crept to the bathroom, only a few feet away, leaving the light off inside the bathroom in fear of him seeing her.  She vomited in the toilet, and sat on the toilet impulsively, but did not pee.  She tells herself she must be quiet now… Sit. Think. Don’t Move.  What happened? she asks herself, frightened and in complete despair.  Then, she realized for the first time that she was in a state of terror, something she’s only ever experienced while watching VHS movies while hidden in the dark with her cousins, in a fantasy.  Except this fantasy was real… Real?  Was it really real?  The phantasy mocked her for all her life thereafter.  She no longer felt safe.  And she never will again.

The pain set in like a nine-inch nail corked into her vagina.  She felt raw and slashed forever, never quite in a position to speak what happened to her as a child, never able to release her anger and hurt because she Knew it would cause more havoc to tell any of her family around her.  So she never did, and she never will.

-------

If we do not start talking about how our bodies have been used without our consent, without a warrant, we will never begin to reach freedom.  For our freedom depends deeply on killing the war machine like cock.  We must speak up about our experiences in order to kill that old-aged fantasy of pure romance and cock.

We Must Challenge conventional ideas about how women are perceived; point in case below:

 Women are thought to seduce men through fear; we must point out that we are not totalized by our sexuality.